Getting Old

I've added a new fear to my list of worries and it is getting old or getting sick. Everyone knows turning 30 freaked me out a bit, but I'm now just scared to age period. I've spent some time each day this week visiting my Grandma Anne at a rehabilitation center, basically a rest home, that hopefully is just temporary. She is 88 years old, so she is getting up there, but was fully functioning and pretty healthy until the day after Thanksgiving. We think some things contributed to the quick decline previously though and those are two surgeries she had to be put under anesthesia for. My mom and I have decided that anesthesia, once you get older, is just bad news. We lost my other Grandma, my dad's mom, and then my Dad, both because of surgeries. What can you do if the surgery is necessary though? Just hope that the side effects are minimal, I guess.

My Grandma had shock therapy on her heart for an arrhythmia and then a baby sized (8 lb.) tumor taken out of her leg in October. We were worried about the effects these things had had on her physically, and especially mentally, because she seemed to be forgetting more. Then a couple of weeks ago an ambulance was called for her because she fell into a diabetic coma when her sugar dropped below 30. She has had diabetes for a long time and hasn't had much of a problem with it as long as she watches what she eats. All of a sudden after that big scare it was either way too low or way too high. Then she fell at home. Another ambulance was called and she was taken and given x-rays. After lots of painful pushing, pulling, and twisting the doctor told her nothing was broken. They somehow got her home, and she spent the next week in bed. 5 days later the hospital called and told them to bring her back in because her femur was broken. She was admitted and given hip replacement surgery a few days later, yet another surgery with anesthesia. She is now in the rehab/rest home getting therapy twice a day, feeling frustrated, confused, and wanting to give up. It's a painful visit each day because I'm not used to seeing my Grandma this way. I've always been really close to her, she only has two grandchildren, my little brother and me, so we've spent a lot of time with her. It breaks my heart to see her suffer. I wish I could help her have the strength to move forward and want to get better because I really think she can. But with the attitude she has now it is difficult to see a good outcome.

It has been hardest to see the toll this has taken on my mom. She has basically had one hardship after another since she lost my Dad almost three years ago. We thought that quick and unexpected death was pretty horrible, but really he was lucky to not have to suffer. It was those of us left behind that struggled with that suddenness. When you are nursing somebody back to health, hoping that they can improve, or waiting for them to go, it is hard for everyone. So all that information is to say that getting old scares me. We come into this world being completely dependent on someone else and then seem to revert back to that in old age, depending on others for our basic needs. That's just difficult to swallow. It seems that the older I get, the more sadness I have to face, but also the more blessings that surround me. I'm grateful for family and friends to give support during difficult times, and I hope that when I get old (and I hope I am lucky enough to live a long life and be able to face my aging fears!) that Matisyn and Emilyn will take care of me with grace and dignity as my mom is with my Grandma. Here's to hips healing and attitude uplifting miracles!